I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize