I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
