i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is classic penis vs brain.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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