he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
