i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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