break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
