You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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