My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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