I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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