rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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