If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
It's just like the Real World with babies
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
