She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
