Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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