So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
