he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize