you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
