I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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