I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
