i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
