Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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