tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
