i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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