So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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