just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
no you cant smoke seaweed
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
