He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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