I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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