This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
