Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
