No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
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I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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