We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Randomize
