I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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