ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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