doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
