You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
