I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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