I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
