your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
