my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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