Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
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