At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
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I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
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We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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