let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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