i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
