You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Rumble strips road head = magical
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
