CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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