Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
