So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Randomize
