You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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