he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
