I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just pee around me
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Randomize
