I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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