Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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