he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
