I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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