Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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