You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
