"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
