hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
i believe in u and ur pee
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
