you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
