clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We're too hungover to prance.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
